america: get the arrow out of the heart. it’s killing you.

america: get the arrow out of the heart. it’s killing you.
PROLOGUE NO. 2 i posted the following to my facebook page shortly ago in response to this article about the shooting of Charles Kinsey (…). as i wrote it, i wrote out of my gut. i wrote out of emotion and out of a senses of clarity that i had theretofore not been experiencing as i have considered the current state of fuckedness which is taking place in american politics and american public opinion. between bigotry and blatant divisiveness, the manner of current public discourse frightens me most in that it is taking place shamelessly, and with such inconsistent reproach or repudiation from major media sources, from so-called “leaders”, and from some whose social media content manages to make it through my news feed. (in fact, these are examples of those who are fanning the flames.)
i took down the post that follows because i was afraid. i was afraid of hard-lining myself and being misread. i was afraid of my sentiments losing their legitimacy because of their gritty presentation. i was afraid of my own anger – how quickly the act of expression becomes a source of real exposure and vulnerability.
the initial post received a few responses. but when i took it down, i got two more. they wanted to see the post. they said the post was important. they encouraged me. and with that encouragement from two people whom i really, really respect, i have decided to repost. this decision comes out of a sense of personal responsibility to allow my anger and my fear to have a voice. the country of my birth is rapt in something very wrong. and we cannot afford to mistake it. we cannot and we must not. if you have been holding back, i encourage you to give your feelings voice. we do not have to be perfect in our expression, but we should strive to be authentic. thank you to the ones who encourage authenticity. you are many and you make being so much safer. we all deserve that… to be safe. some of us struggle to feel safe internally, some of us struggle for it in society, some of us experience this struggle in both ways.
what follows is the post as i initially shared it, with several minor edits.
PROLOGUE [NO. 1] reader beware. tamar is about to cut-loose. not appropriate for all audiences. PS. i post this now knowing i’m tripping wires. i have been holding back for weeks because the news and politics and the rnc are just bludgeoning my brain and i haven’t been able to find a path through it. but i’m posting this because it came out of me fluidly. there is no question about my feelings. i may be taken to task on my perspective, but i think it has at least a seed of legitimacy. with love to you who give me space to find a way through, or at least to try. t.
holy wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. SHIT MUST STOP. it must stop. this election is not fucking helping and it SHOULD BE FUCKING HELPING. i am so disappointed in my (would be & current) public officials. you are fucking shit up. stop it, damnit. stop it. make it the fuck better. we the people have a voice and rights and shit, yes. and it is on us to say what we want. but you fuckers have the power, let’s be honest. USE. IT. make this shit stop. be better. help us be better. change the emotional response to perceived threat in this country. fuck racism and every other whatever. i’m sorry. it’s not that it’s not real or not in need of address. (it is both!) it’s not that it isn’t present in this situation, even. (what the fuck else is going on here except for some wildly fucked up assumptions?!) but it is a FUCKING RED HERRING to the issue of VIOLENCE itself. focus on racism and ask people to change their deepest, potentially unconscious feelings about shit when your purpose is way more fucking immediate: TO STOP FUCKING VIOLENCE. look. we need to address EMOTIONS in this country. we need to address how people deal with ADVERSITY in this county, with PERCEIVED THREAT in this country. with ANGER. with BLIND ANGER based on WRONG thoughts based on HATE. but all of these still point to changing how people think about their EMOTIONS & THEIR ACTIONS. help people BEHAVE differently. these are the SAME issues as those we saw but failed, in my opinion, to FACE when we started seeing serious violence in schools. columbine WAS and IS about the same issue as this news story and so many others I have been reading & seeing & crying over. we need to make emotional literacy, self-care, and taking good action for conflict resolution (in public and internal domains) CORE VALUES. enough. enough…. fucking. enough.
to charles kinsey: my god, i’m so sorry man. i am so, so sorry. i just can’t believe it. i cannot believe this. and i am so, so sorry.
to america: get the arrow out of the heart. it’s killing you.…

About scribblelip

walking down the road with a book of conjugations in my hand.
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